On the Broomstick
Legally
Undead Playlist – by Margo Bond Collins
One of the things that I love best about writing
about vampires (other than their sheer creepiness!) is all the fabulous mood
music that’s available—some of it directly about vampires, and some of it
simply nicely sinister. Also, although Legally Undead is set in New York City,
the heroine, Elle (a graduate student turned reluctant vampire hunter), is
originally from New Orleans. That’s in part a nod to Anne Rice, of course (and
to my own college years spent in the French Quarter), but it has the added
benefit of allowing me to include some great New Orleans vampire songs in
Elle’s playlist. Sadly, there aren’t as many New York vampire songs—but Elle’s
snarky sense of humor shows up in the ones included here, and in the choice of
songs like “My Boyfriend’s Back.” Enjoy
the Legally Undead playlist, and be
sure to check out the excerpt below!
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Legally Undead,
available May 27 from World Weaver Press
A
reluctant vampire hunter, stalking New York City as only a scorned bride can.
Elle Dupree has her life all figured out: first
a wedding, then her Ph.D., then swank faculty parties where she’ll serve wine
and cheese and introduce people to her husband the lawyer.
But those plans disintegrate when she walks
in on a vampire draining the blood from her fiancé Greg. Horrified, she screams
and runs--not away from the vampire, but toward it, brandishing a wooden letter
opener.
As she slams the improvised stake into the
vampire’s heart, a team of black-clad men bursts into the apartment. Turning
around to face them, Elle discovers that Greg’s body is gone—and her perfect
life falls apart.
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Excerpt:
The worst thing about vampires is
that they're dead. That whole wanting to suck your blood business runs a close
second, but for sheer creepiness, it's the dead bit that gets me every time.
They're up and walking around and talking and sucking blood, but they're dead.
And then there's the whole terminology problem--how can you kill something
that's already dead? It's just wrong.
I was twenty-four the first time I .
. . destroyed? dispatched? . . . a vampire. That's when I found out that all
the books and movies are wrong. When you stick a wooden stake into their
hearts, vampires don't disintegrate into dust. They don't explode. They don't
spew blood everywhere. They just look surprised, groan, and collapse into a
pile of corpse. But at least they lie still then, like corpses are supposed to.
Since that first kill (I might as
well use the word--there really isn’t a better one), I've discovered that only
if you're lucky do vampires look surprised before they groan and fall down. If
you're unlucky and miss the heart, they look angry. And then they fight.
There are the other usual ways to
kill vampires, of course, but these other ways can get a bit complicated.
Vampires are notoriously difficult to trick into sunlight. They have an uncanny
ability to sense when there's any sunlight within miles of them, and they're
awfully good at hiding from it. Holy water doesn't kill them; it just distracts
them for a while, and then they get that angry look again. And it takes a
pretty big blade to cut off someone's head--even an already dead someone--and
carrying a great big knife around New York City, even the Bronx, is a sure way
to get arrested. Nope, pointy sticks are the best way to go, all the way
around.
My own pointy stick is actually more
of a little knife with wood inlay on the blade--the metal makes it slide in
easier. I had the knife specially made by an old Italian guy in just about the
only ratty part of Westchester, north of the city. I tried to order one off the
internet, but it turns out that while it’s easy to find wood-inlay handles, the
blades themselves tend to be metal. Fat lot those people know.
But I wasn’t thinking any of this
when I pulled the knife out of the body on the ground. I was thinking something
more along the lines of “Oh, bloody hell. Not again.”
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About the Author
Margo Bond Collins is the author of a number of novels,
including Waking Up Dead, Fairy, Texas, and Legally Undead (forthcoming May 27, 2014). She lives in Texas with
her husband, their daughter, and several spoiled pets. She teaches
college-level English courses online, though writing fiction is her first love.
She enjoys reading urban fantasy and paranormal fiction of any genre and spends
most of her free time daydreaming about vampires, ghosts, zombies, werewolves,
and other monsters.
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Connect with Margo
Be
sure to add Legally Undead to your
Goodreads bookshelves: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/18366353-legally-undead
